In my 20s, there was one day,
In between all the others where I worried what everyone else thought of me,
That I watched Erin Brockovich
And ate two whole frozen pizzas
Alone at my grandma’s house
With the sun streaming into her big windows.

Note to self, now:
I need to remember
This is the remedy.

To pull myself in, to eat whatever I want, to watch whatever I want, to lay down.

To separate from everyone else’s wavelength
And to attune to my own joints
And a woman main character.

The tiny, bruised pieces of myself, scattered amidst others’ interests,
Return like magnets
To my strong spine.

I always thought that I was bad at taking the L’s,
Could not find acceptance,
And when I was young I thought only losers had disappointments.
(our 20s! lol.)

But of course the hits keep coming,
And, surprise, I can take them,
And be a loser.

To meet overwhelm, I should:
Head to a sunny room,
Stop trying,
Lay down,
Eat whatever feels good.